“Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands,
and put my finger in the mark of the nails
and my hand in his side,
I will not believe”
—John 20.25
The unease you feel is not doubt.
It is hunger to go deeper.
You are not done yet.
Learn from Thomas,
who, when Jesus planned to go to Bethany
where they had tried to stone him,
said, “Let us go die with him.”
You want to see the scar of your betrayal
and how love bears it.
You want to touch the wounds
and enter the heart of The One
Who Suffers for the World
and lives.
Now, more than before,
you are ready to come and die with him,
let love undo you and begin agin.
Don’t belittle your restlessness.
Let it lead you.
Reach out.
Even now he is saying your name.