Groping for God

         God gives to all mortals life and breath and all things...
         so that they would search for God
         and perhaps grope for God
         and find God—
         though indeed God is not far from each one of us.

                  —Acts 17.25, 27


Disregard the patron Saint of Confidence.
Never mind the ones who nod knowingly,
as if looking at the blotty picture saying,
“Seriously, don't you see the cow?”
Their smugness is their idol. Ignore it.

You were not created to know, not destined
for certainty. You are created to search,
groping in the light, reaching out
through the thicket of your moments,
wondering, wanting more, hungering.

God doesn't want people who are finished,
trophies hanging on the wall. God wants—
wants, like we want, groping, perhaps finding—
hunters who are still seeking, explorers,
children of wonder and blessed unknowing.
        
In reaching out you expand your world.
In groping you open yourself. In not knowing
you allow God to exceed all bounds.
In searching you stay alive. Let your worship
be the praise of unfinished embraces,

of pauses in conversations. Let unknowing
be your sanctuary. And oh, as you flail,
like an infant not knowing the finger you grasp,
how God, so close, loves the touch of your probing,
and holds your wandering hand.

 

                  —May 22, 2014